Behave Differently than you feel: Noble’s Personal Story

Why does this photo mean so much to me? It is a reminder of what I could have lost if I had not taken the journey of emotional awareness and control. It’s because it was only a few years earlier that, due to my extreme lack of emotional awareness & emotional control, I almost did something that terrified me...& I would've regretted it until I died. I would have missed out on the joy that radiates from this photo of me with my beautiful daughter, and the memories we have created. Stick with me here.

🔥 Emotional lesson for today (from Ep. 222: EQ Gangster --20 Lessons on Emotions): You *CAN* behave differently than how you feel. You can separate how you feel from how you behave.

Some of you may find that elementary. Some of you may be incredulous and scoff at this statement. I was in the latter camp a few years ago.

Let me set the stage for the story. A few years ago my family was in our living room. It had a 20' ceiling with 2 skylights. Hardwood floors. Big navy blue sofa. It was in the evening. My wife, 10 year old daughter and I were all having a conversation about something random. It started raining cats & dogs. The sound was loud & disrupting to our seemingly little uneventful family chat. Out of nowhere our daughter lost it. I mean lost it. She went from an emotional "1" to an emotional "10" in the span of seconds. Crying. Screaming. The whole works. I had no idea what was going on or where it all came from.

Due to my incredibly low EQ (Emotional Intelligence) at the time, I ALSO immediately went to an emotional "10". I couldn't stop myself. I went from Bruce Banner to the Incredible Hulk in .03 seconds flat. It all happened so fast. I was triggered by my daughter’s emotions and feelings, and I was reflecting those feelings and emotions, and I had no idea why. Only by the grace of God, something in me dragged me the 10 feet to our bedroom. I locked myself in the bedroom. I sat down at the edge of our bed. I was shaking. I was terrified what I might have done to my wife or daughter in that emotionally hijacked state where I had absolutely no control.

My wife knocked on the bedroom door a minute later. She stood in the corner of the bedroom until I calmed down.

She said, "Noble, do you realize you can behave differently than how you feel?" I laughed at her. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's impossible," I replied. She calmly responded, "I know YOU may not be able to right now, but it's possible. I do it. Many others do it. It's possible."

My mind was blown. "You can behave differently than how you feel." I had no concept or understanding of what she said. I had no frame of reference. To me, up to that point in my life, it was literally impossible. When I was angry, "I was ANGRY." Notice how that's an "identity" statement. Now, I've learned to say "I FEEL angry." Not..."I AM angry." Anger isn't my identity anymore. My feelings are NOT my identity anymore. I am NOT my feelings. I have feelings. My feelings are real & valid. I can acknowledge & be curious about my feelings. They can inform me now. They don't have to control me or rule me anymore.

Feelings make terrible masters, but when we learn how to read our emotional "balance sheet", our emotional "dashboard", they are incredibly valuable, useful & helpful in providing us information & data.

We CAN behave differently than how we feel, and this realization was life changing for me.

I would love to hear more about what your thoughts on this are, feel free to comment on the blog article or message me via FB or IG at: @thenoblegibbens